once upon a time…

“So once upon a time, there were two encounters members who had a one on one session. And we were to talk about conflicts. And so we did. But there was one particular conflict that really stuck out for me, and that was the topic of child care. You all know I am a mom, I have a full time job. And umm childcare is very tricky. Especially with 3 young kids. We’re not rich. We’re up to our ears in debt, we gotta reduce our debt. With that said um, the topic came up of “we have a responsibility here with the encounters troupe and with rehearsal, and can you not find somebody to take care of your children to be here during rehearsal full time?” And that’s when it just felt like a big slap in the face. I know this is a big responsibility, I am far from being irresponsible, so to hear those words, it really hurt, and um, yeah. Umm, when Rachael asked me to be part of this group, it was late summer of 2012, I was really excited, and I knew I didn’t have a job then, but I knew I was going back to school I knew I had time to go to rehearsal. I never thought it was gonna take this long. She told me we were looking for performances Fall of 2013. And here we are. And my life has changed a lot since then. I finished school and now I have a full time job. And um, my kids and my family are putting everything on pause for me. I feel very guilty doing what I love. So umm, to say that I don’t know I have a responsibility here kills me. Because there’s so much I can do as a person. And for me to get here it takes a lot. A lot physically, mentally, emotionally. And I was this close to throwing in the towel when I heard those words. You don’t know how much it takes for me to be here right this second. You don’t know how much it takes for me to be right here this second. I’m not at home cooking supper for my children, for my family, I’m not there helping with homework. And for me that’s selfish because it’s something I like to do. Does it make sense for me to be in this group? Because my life then is different that my life now. So I’m stuck. I let this person know that… we talked it out… and yes there was a misunderstanding. And I’m glad I didn’t throw in the towel. But I’m still stuck with this dilemma, and I don’t know what to do. The end”

-R/E Verbatim Text


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